Day 9 (November 4)

Yeah I skipped yesterday. Not sure why but it could be because I was busy at work and possibly because I'm doing somewhat better. I'm noticing that I'm missing the socializing aspect of smoking, especially at work. It'd be 7-10 minutes of being outside, seeing the nice maintenance dude in my building, talking about what pisses us off about our sports teams, etc. Outside of bars too while smoking was always a good time to meet nice people (and weirdos too). 

Eh, now I just sit at my desk from 8:30-5, no breaks, not even for lunch. I should probably take 2 walks when I'd normally be smoking but that's almost like pouring salt in the wound.

I'm still wearing the patch, though I'm not sure if I even need to. I'm thinking it's still some sort of security blanket. Maybe I think if I take it off I'm going to turn into a murderous, raging psychopath.

People keep telling me I'm going to start smelling and tasting better (not ME smelling and tasting better, but being ABLE to smell and taste better GOD). This hasn't happened yet I don't think. I had a Miller Lite at a fancy work function yesterday and it still tasted pretty lame-o. My diet is pretty bland overall and I eat the same things all the time so I'm kind of looking forward to the crap I cook tasting better. Or maybe I'll realize I'm a terrible cook and everything I make, minus hummus, tastes like garbage. Speaking of food, I read in the patch insert that nicotine withdrawal actually causes increased appetite. I always thought people gained weight when they quit just because they used food as a replacement. It's such bullshit that it's a side effect. More rubbing salt AND lemon juice into the wound.

I have many smoking tests coming up. Tomorrow happy hour and Saturday Justin's. If I can make it through those 2 things successfully I'm going to stop wearing the patch and just be done with it. I don't think I like having this crutch. 

 

Edit: I totally forgot to mention that again last night I had the whole "fear" side effect of the Welbutrin. It's so interesting because it only happens when my lights are off and I'm nodding off to sleep. When I'm reading in bed for 1-2 hours before I go to sleep, I'm fine! It's so bizarre. I did realize though that I forgot to take my second daily dose until about 7 so maybe again it's because I took it too close to bedtime. 

AND I just remembered that I forgot to take my dose this morning so I just took 2 and then read online that I'm not supposed to do this. It would be so pathetic if I die trying to quit. :P